THIS IS ART I HAVE MADE ART (aka, the origin story of Jayn Sand).

It begins here. CAM00066(1)

Its apotheosis WAS on Etsy, but Etsy’s changed the terms of its service too much,so I’m bringing the listings that caused me to invent Jayn Sand here:


The Orange Lantern is generally considered a Supervillain…but in my view the champion of absolutely pure Greed is a misunderstood Superhero. And here, in this repurposed action figure, is its True Avatar here on earth….AYN RAND. My completely objective and accurate evaluation of my abilities tells me that I am incontrovertibly the only artist capable of adequately rendering the Goddess’ likeness, and in fact I have so ably and accurately reproduced her appearance and personality that often while working on this doll I have fallen into a trance, brought on by the hypnotic serpentine wisdom of the glare in her eyes.

This originated as a mundane prefabricated Lex Luthor Orange Lantern doll, which has been ennobled and elevated to the level of art by the decapitation of Lex and the replacement of his head with the head of Ayn Rand, Goddess of Capitalism. I have sculpted this head from oven baked resin clay, and emphasized the features with exquisite hand-painted details in acrylic, highlighted with varnish.

Witness her creation here:

(I notice that I actually have no followers on my Twitter account. I consider this an honor, as a demonstration of my extreme individuality).

Her accessories include a Dollar Sign Pendant electroplated in gold, emulating the pin that the Goddess Herself was fond of wearing, and a cigarette holder deftly whittled from a single matchstick, and painted in exact reproduction of the one Ms. Rand was so rationally and life-affirmingly fond of smoking with.

Her head is permanently turned to the right. Some might call this a careless defect. My reply is twofold; firstly, Frank Lloyd Wright’s Fallingwater does not cease to be a work of genius simply because it is technically crummy and requires constant expensive maintenance just to keep from collapsing into its own waterfall. Secondly, it is perfectly like the great Ms. Rand to keep herself forever facing right, permanently and unbendingly, with the steadfast and inflexible strength of her immutable convictions…therefore the stiff neck in my artwork is no defect at all, but the symbolic perfection of the likeness. All this for a mere two hundred fifty dollars.

I have photographed her with Rand’s great inspiration, the city of New York – the horizon of skyscrapers, those wondrous edifices erected through the power of inspiration of individual genius, the shapes of virile straining to the apex of mankind’s creativity – thrusting to the skies, throbbing and pulsing with the force of human will as they ravish the godless heavens, in a glorious climax of – of –
Ahem. Sorry that in the New York skyline photo she’s not quite in focus – I was somehow a bit flustered at the time.

It may be that some will express doubt that the product is worth the asking price. I will explain why it is. The head is hand-sculpted. It has been molded by my own fingers, so strands of my unique DNA may be extractable by posterity for my cloning. And I shall not mold another Ayn Rand doll. The buyer will therefore be purchasing a unique work of art, well worth the asking price and sure to appreciate in value as my fame increases.

If, after this rational explanation, you still think 250 dollars is too much, then you are not an appropriate buyer for this work of art. You do not deserve it and I don’t want you to have it. I would in fact rather crush it with a sledgehammer than allow you to purchase it and get your unworthy unappreciative moocher hands on it. Go away. Go shop for a crocheted Communist Kermit the Frog doll or something.

HOWEVER – for those who recognize the worth of this doll but have not yet had their individual genius recognised with the deserved cash of the masses, I have a special offer. Since this doll is obviously an insuperable masterpiece, I have made molds and copied it, that others might have an affordable reproduction within their grasp.

Buy them. Buy them now. Just please, get them out of my house. Their stares are starting to make me uneasy.


(…help they keep LOOKING at me….)


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